we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
