I'm going to rape someone's good day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
