i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
