That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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