he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
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Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
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Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
So. Much. Porn.
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