I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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