North Korea, Best Korea!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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