I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize