we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
