I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
