so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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