guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
