i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
