a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
