I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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