kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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