I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Still dying that you shit outside
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
