There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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