Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
