This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
