my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
