We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
