Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
