laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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