i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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