U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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