how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
