Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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