Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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