hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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