Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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