she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
