this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
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Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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