8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
