I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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