Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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