Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
