She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
