I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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