Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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