At least make sure they are 18
Why
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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