my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
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Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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