The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
try to milk me bitch
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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