Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
