if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
