when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
