New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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