You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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