Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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