pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
