I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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