Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
