You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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