you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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