My room smells like vodka and shame
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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