I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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