I'd wear matching sweaters with you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
