I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
